Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
