I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
