saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
