Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
