every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize