I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
