He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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