Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
