On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
