I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
