just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
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