then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
