need another drink. this is the easiest way
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Randomize
