If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
