It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Just high enough for therapy.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
