I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
