you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
