So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
What drink are we having for lunch?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
