so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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