Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
