My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I touched a dick in church today
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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