last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Randomize
