no, he came in my armpit
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
