There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize