There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
