Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
