I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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