Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I look better un-naked...
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
