By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
