hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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