he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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