Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
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