do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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