Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
