i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Randomize
