dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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