This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
In other news, I just burned my penis
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
