What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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