Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
