Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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