Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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