just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
