i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
