Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize
