you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
