Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
send nudes
from the living room?
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
