Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
he puts the penis in happiness.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
