I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
