he wants to bone in the snuggie
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
You may now shotgun with the bride
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Randomize
