I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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