Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
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