my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
