no, he came in my armpit
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
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