You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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