I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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