Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
