First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
