I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
