so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
im holly from the hills drunk
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
