I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
