If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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