I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
