Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
