I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
