it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
