I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
