He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
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