wakey wakey hands off snakey
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
