my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
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