I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
