I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
