Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
if only i could text you this smell
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
