I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Randomize
