We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
